Your dad touched me again.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
