He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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