You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
