She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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