i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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