Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
