Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
