Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
