I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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