yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
