dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
