i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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