textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
