I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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