I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
