Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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