what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
