A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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