And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
