Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
