Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
