you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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