My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
