Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
