i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
whose parrot is this?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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