He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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