On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
