but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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