I'm pants shitting drunk right now
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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