I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
