remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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