We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
