i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
