I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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