shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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