I feel like abortions should bother me more
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
