Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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