he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
