all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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