i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
