am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
