I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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