i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
