Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
