the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I touched a dick in church today
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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