the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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