Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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