Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
