I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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