It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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